It’s been nearly two months from when I first went live with my website. To tell you the truth I never had any plans to really make a website.. it just sort of happened randomly.
I wanted to lift the veil behind what I’ve created and give a background story since I’ve been in a very pensive mood lately. For all the people & homies that are suffering right now, just know that you aren’t alone and you will make it through this.
The months leading up towards July were some of the craziest yet brutal months of my life. I was going through a seriously rough patch in my life and overall I just wasn’t happy with myself or the life I had been living. I guess in a way I felt stagnant in my life and the person I had become wasn’t really in line with who I wanted to be.
Moreover, I wasn’t honest with myself and hid behind a façade. As a result, I was closed off to myself and everyone around me. I’m definitely someone who prefers to bottle up their emotions and I liked to pretend that I was invincible even though, I wasn’t.
Coincidentally, the more honest and open you are with yourself… the weirder life gets. I used to think it was strange and I didn’t quite understand it at the time. Now I understand the connection more.. it’s not that it’s “weird” it’s that it’s a new experience and that feels weird for anyone. Allowing yourself to be open and unhinged creates more opportunities for you. It expands the mind.
That being said, l’m accepting myself & making changes towards being a better person, but there are parts of me that I love and this applies to everyone: they’re called beliefs, morals & values. I’d like to think of myself as a visionary.
In an ideal world, everyone would f**k with my vision, but that’s not the case and that’s okay. Not everyone will be your friend, not everyone will agree with you or even like you, but that’s just a part of life and completely natural. The important thing to realize is acceptance.
I recently had the pleasure of meeting a man in his early 40’s who was a self-made millionaire. He’s an entrepreneur, businessman, and quite the self-starter. At some point during the night, the topic of “What you do” came up and I was reluctant to mention this very website I created for fear that I would look so minuscule in comparison. That’s the thing about society: we have been conditioned to always compare ourselves to others when in reality, we are all on our own path.
After some liquid courage, I mentioned the website and opened up about all the other things I do. To my disbelief, he was super fascinated and continued to ask me about my life. During the conversation he told me I had everything it takes to do whatever I set my mind to, but I brushed it off thinking the complete opposite.
He gave me some really important advice: you will feel lost, have self-doubt, experience bouts of depression and feel hopeless. He continued on saying that despite all the anguish, it is important to believe in yourself continue on the path that you’ve chosen and laid out for yourself.
One of the main reasons I created this website was to establish an outlet through writing these types of pieces for myself and in turn, help others with my experiences. Lately, I’ve felt like giving up and succumbing to my feelings of self-doubt and hopelessness. I was hit with a wave of writer’s block in all aspects of my life and lost sight of myself.
Today was a day like every other day in the past few weeks, but a walk near the Embarcadero during lunch and some words with people I know and even some strangers changed something inside me.Hang in there, reach out to others and know that you’ll be okay.
I guess you could say I broke through my writer’s block.
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